Cavalcade of uproarious guffaws

Comedy Show in Chattanooga (#3)

2010-03-02T02:34:00.001-06:00

Book of Eli

2010-01-29T20:18:00.003-06:00

This is a movie I want to see again, I just saw it but I want to see it again… in IMAX, this movie in IMAX would blow your pants off, so if you go see it in IMAX and notice as your walking out that there is a lack of pants from the exiting audience know that they too were blown away and it is not cause for alarm. The cinematography, the storyline, Denzel “Freaking” Washington… my only frustrations with this movie are where did they get the gasoline? You don’t have clean water but you have gasoline? This movie is set 40 to 50 years in the future; we are currently in a “gas crisis” who would believe that in 40 years we have any? And the other one… after you see the movie ask me, and I will gladly discuss it with you, do not want to spoil anything.

PLOT
Guy has book, guy is “led” to take it west, guy comes to town with another guy who wants book, battle ensues… I can say no more… breathtaking.

CAST
Eli (Denzel Washington) – I don’t even have to say anything, he makes great movies, quick run-through: Malcom X, The Pelican Brief, Philadelphia, Cimson Tide, The Preacher’s Wife, The Siege, The Bone Collector, Remember the Titans, Training Day, John Q, Out of Time, Man on Fire, The Manchurian Candidate, Inside Man, Déjà vu, American Gangster just to name a few, if you haven’t seen these movies, you should, he is one of the greatest actors of our time and you can add this movie to the list of AMAZING films in his repertoire.

Carnegie (Gary Oldman) – he has a long lengthy list of movies to his credit, I remember him most in Air Force One and he was the perfect choice for Commissioner Gordon in the Batman movies. You can add this to his list of movies that only serve to expand his credibility and my adoration for him as an actor. Plays a great villain.

Solara (Mila Kunis) – does a great job as Meg’s voice and has done a great job of reinventing herself on the big screen from her That 70’s show days. Did a good job in Max Payne, even a good a job in Extract, but Book of Eli she reached another level.

Redridge (Ray Stevenson) – just looks the part of a creepy creepy man. He is a shoot ‘em up, then blow him up type guy (Punisher: War Zone anyone?)

Claudia (Jennifer Beals) – literally thought she was blind, good TV actor making the jump to the big screen.

Martz (Evan Jones) – I could watch him get his head cracked a thousand times, BAD A. I still can’t take him seriously since he was Cheddar Bob in 8 mile.

Hoyt (Joe Pingue) – load the shotgun and sit there… nothing left for you here.

George (Michael Gambon) – um… a great cannibal, that’s all I got.

Engineer (Tom Waits) – I don’t remember ever seeing him before but his hairdo alone made me like him.

Hijack Leader (Chris Browning) – played a great creepy mother f’er. And he is not going to get that hand back.

Lombardi (Malcolm McDowell) – I love his voice, when I saw him on the screen I said aloud, “Michael Myers is DEAD!” I can’t remember the first time I was introduced to him but I always love seeing him in movies.

CONCLUSION
How good was the movie
scale of 1 to 10, 1 being just an absolute waste of time that you feel the need to go to California and beat the hell out of someone for wasting your time and money, 10 being a joyful time of laughing, exuberance, and glee
take out the laughing, this is immediately the movie to beat for 2010, and I believe it is going to be taking on all challengers, GO SEE IT! In theatres no less, it needs to be seen on a massive screen, the opening sequence alone is worth $10, the cinematography is just… go see it.

If I was intoxicated in some way would this movie be better
Scale of 1 to 10, 1 being sober as a straight edger, 10 being absolutely belligerent
Um… no, amazingly enough, maybe, but this is not a funny movie, it has a moving plot line that alcohol might get in the way of.

Bathroom department
scale of 1 to 10 in the, 1 being no incontinence problems of any kind, 10 being leave during the last part of the movie cause your about to tinkle in your pants
Rounding out at just under two hours probably not.

Youth In Revolt

2010-01-22T03:04:00.000-06:00

Went and saw “Youth in Revolt” last week. I will say it made me laugh out loud more than once and giggle throughout the movie. It had a good story with a touch of heart felt sentiment and a huge dash of teenage angst that originates commonly from a teenage boy who comes from a broken home with crazy parents.

PLOT
Troubled teen Nick Twisp lives with his mother only so her former husband has to pay child support. Nick hates his life, has few friends, and is unfortunately a virgin. The rest of the movie is a teen romance between Nick and Sheena, who meet when Nick is on vacation. Nick feels they have something special and doesn’t want to break off their “summer fling” but she says the only way to get it to happen is to something drastic, something she thinks Nick will be unable to do, he has to be bad. To do this, Nick creates a supplementary person, Francois, to guide him through his trials and tribulations. From stealing both his parents’ cars to blowing up a motor home you are in for a doozy that deals with love, loss, and the amazingly awkward dynamic of a broken family.

CAST
Nick Twisp (Michael Cera) – from Arrested Development fame. Has a movie list that is filled with him losing his virginity (Superbad, Juno, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, Year One, and now Youth in Revolt). How many more times does he need to “lose his virginity till he is just scoring it up with the ladies? He has a good dry sense of awkward humor. He makes you laugh simply by his ability to create awkward situations for himself and a great ability to play it off and legitimately look and feel awkward to the audience. I like him a lot.

Francois Dillinger (Michael Cera) – now Francois is the alter ego he creates to get the girl, and let me say, he is hilarious. Every scene he is in makes you laugh, “I wanna tickle your belly button…. From the inside…. I’m going to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like the crown you are,” I almost peed myself. (Watch for the mushroom scene)

Sheeni Saunders (Portia Doubleday) – a relative newbie to the biz. Has the cute thing going for her, also does a good job of playing the cute high school girl and I am glad that she actually looks like a teenager, unlike most teen flicks where the “teens” are in their 20’s.

Estelle Twisp (Jean Smart) – plays a good “crazy” mom who is just looking for child support and a younger man.

Jerry (Zach Galifanakis) – he arrived with the Hangover, and doesn’t have many scenes in the movie but he does a great job in his scenes and makes you laugh, a lot.

Lefty (Erik Knudsen) – finding out the origin of his name lefty is a real knee slapper, and he plays a great awkward teenager.

Vijay Joshi (Adhir Kalyan) – loved him in Paul Blart Mall Cop and made you laugh again as another awkward teenager.

George Twisp (Steve Buscemi) – he is just so awkward, love him as an actor, and plays a creepy guy even when he is not supposed to be creepy.

Mr. Ferguson (Fred Willard) – liberal hippie constantly bringing in illegal immigrants, the scene where he is naked in his car is great.

Lacey (Ari Graynor) – liked her in Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist and she plays Nick’s “step mom”. Very funny.

Lance Wescott (Ray Liotta) – perfect “cop” actor. Made you laugh, and brought something to the table.

Paul Saunders (Justin Long) – OH MY GOD! Currently the king of the cameo, every movie he has been in he has been hilarious. He started out as the awkward teenager (Dodgeball, Waiting); he did a great job of reinventing himself and becoming more than just a one part actor and begins his brilliant cameo string. The gay receptionist in The Break Up, back to awkward teenager in Accepted, the great counter to John McClane in Live Free Die Hard, George Harrison in Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (SO FUNNY), even funnier in Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Alex in He’s Just Not That Into You, great cameo in Funny People, and again a great pot smoking, shroom eating loser in YIR. His parts are just great.

Taggarty (Rooney Mara) – Very cute, hadn’t seen her before, good “foreign exchange student.”

Mr. Saunders (M. Emmet Walsh) – Christ loving attorney, when he eats shrooms I was laughing my head off.

CONCLUSION
How good was the movie
scale of 1 to 10, 1 being just an absolute waste of time that you feel the need to go to California and beat the hell out of someone for wasting your time and money, 10 being a joyful time of laughing, exuberance, and glee
I’m still debating the merits of a $10 entry fee, but if nothing else, rent it, it will make you laugh.

If I was intoxicated in some way would this movie be better
Scale of 1 to 10, 1 being sober as a straight edger, 10 being absolutely belligerent
ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY, I would have peed my pants, no doubt

Bathroom department
scale of 1 to 10 in the, 1 being no incontinence problems of any kind, 10 being leave during the last part of the movie cause your about to tinkle in your pants
No bladder problems

2009-12-30T22:40:00.002-06:00

Guy Ritchie has made some fascinating movies in his time. For those of you that know Guy only as the man who wrapped a leash around Madonna, go out and rent, actually go out and buy Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (LSTSB) Snatch is an unbelievably funny dark comedy that even the 10^th time makes you giggle a bit (Ladies, Brad Pitt is in it, he’s super sexy, do something nice for your hubbie and tell him you want to watch it, he will be much more attracted to you afterwards). LSTSB is equally brilliant, and as my brother would say, the prequel to Snatch. Unfortunately Jason Statham

and Vinnie Jones don’t make their way into Sherlock Holmes which does elicit a couple of tears, if for no other reason than… well their bloody awesome, but Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law bring a good amount of comedy and action to the table so we will let it slide.

NOW, the first thing about this movie that made me want to go see it was Hans Zimmer. I’m talking about pre “Robert Downey Jr/Jude Law oh my god” I saw Hans FREAKING Zimmer and Guy Ritchie and immediately you know this movie would be good. For those of you who don’t know Hans (Hans Zimmer), go look at that, just give it a nice gander… what do you see? Some good movies, some bad ones, but I guarantee you if you were to go back and watch any one of those movies again paying attention to the background music you would become a Zimmer’ite as I am. He has the ability to elicit feelings from you, or even make you feel things that a normal movie wouldn’t be able to make you fell. Hans is to music in movies as fresh, hot popcorn is to the movie theatre. You can have stale, 4 hours old popcorn and be satisfied, but when you get the fresh, melt in your mouth buttery crunch of piping hot fresh popped movie theatre popcorn, nothings like it… and no one is as out there, and eccentric, and innovative as Hans Zimmer is in movie soundtracks.

PLOT:

Ok, actual movie, based loosely on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes, is a thrilling, exciting and progressive approach on a classic novel. Sherlock Holmes is a crazy detective who has inventions and thinks differently than everyone else around him, he can see 5 steps ahead of you and four steps behind (and even see into the future, go watch the movie, it will make sense, you will like it). Dr. Watson is his sidekick and resident mute, who brings charm and a certain amount of Dr. Jekkl to Holmes Mr. Hyde. Then you throw in the heart throb beauty Irene to pull at Holmes’ heart strings and Andy Garcia’s twin brother from another mother Lord Blackwood and you have a compelling, engaging movie, with the right blend of love, action, and kick ass fight scenes to make woman and men alike enjoy this movie. If your complaint is, like many, that you don’t know the ending

CHARACTER ANALYSIS:

Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.) - When Downey was cast I tried to think of someone I would rather play Holmes, I cant think of anyone, who better to play a slightly alcoholic/coked out character who isn’t exactly all there than an actor who is the same. Go rent Charlie Bartlett, just do it, its amazing, who makes that film? Downey. Tropic Thunder? He played a black guy, he is Sherlock Holmes, and Tony Stark, but I will allow him to play both cause he made each character their own, and he brought back his silly English accent that’s awesome for the first time since Chaplin.

Dr. John Watson (Jude Law) good as a robot in A.I., good as a marksmen in Enemy at the Gates, he even brought a little comedy with Jack Black in The Holiday, a fabulous character actor and the perfect person to play Watson, but only with the mustache, shave the mustache, no longer good, with the mustache, brilliant.

Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams) - um… I love her, red hair, blonde hair, brown hair, it doesn’t matter, she’s good in comedies (Wedding Crashers), chick flicks (The Family Stone), teen flicks (Mean Girls), I might even someday watch The Notebook cause she is in it, maybe, probably not, but she is so good that I at least just gave it a thought, alright thought is over, no interest in watching it, but that’s how good she is, she made me think about it, I just thought about it again right there, that’s twice in a paragraph, god she is amazing.

Lord Blackwood (Mark Strong) - was in Guy Ritchie’s RocknRolla, looks like Andy Garcia’s twin, loved the snaggle tooth, perfect villain, very ominous voice.

Inspector Lestrade (Eddie Marsan) - from V for Vendetta and Miami Vice, I think its his face that makes him seem evil and like he is up to no good, but he was great as the inspector.

Sir Thomas (James Fox) - Mr. Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, loved his side burns, loved them, played a very believable part as the head of the secret society of MAGIC!

Lord Coward (Hans Matheson) - a creepy creepy looking man, very sly looking, like a rat, or a frog, wait… are frogs sly looking? Scratch that, like a rat, his first big film, very good part as the villains helper.

Constable Clark (William Houston) - absolutely amazing mustache, Tom Selleck would be a proud proud man, the resident ginger (oh wait, what about the ginger midget, no no, he is the best ginger in the film). His first big movie, he will be in more, and not just the sequel.

Mary Mostan (Kelly Reily) - very pretty, slightly annoying, from Pride and Prejudice, she played her part well

Dredger (Robert Maillet) - or Kurrgan as I refer to him, from WWF fame, was the perfect brute enforcer, look forward to him continuing to be in movies for years to come.

CONCLUSION:

On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being have a permit for a concealed weapon to place in your mouth when the movie starts and 10 being a feeling of exuberance that starts at your toes and builds up your legs, to your stomach, then your chest, then your head until you just want to cuddle a puppy

It is totally worth $10, great casting, great score, great story line, sets it up brilliantly for a sequel… and Rachel McAdams is in it

On a scale of 1 to 10 in the bathroom department, 1 being “I don’t even have to go after the movie” (typical 1 ½ hour movie), 10 being “wear a diaper”, I would recommend peeing before you go into the movie, but enjoy a delicious cola and some fresh popcorn and buckle your seat belt and stow away any carry ons.

Avatar (2009)

2009-12-22T03:38:00.007-06:00

The movie is based in 2154, and takes place in a mystical, and black lighted, world of Pandora. The main character, who also narrates the film, Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) is the center of the entire story line.
(Is Sam Worthington becoming THE new action “guy”? As bad as some people say Terminator Salvation was, and though it didn’t “do well” in the box office, it had a really good plot line and continued to further the amazing concept of the Terminator franchise)

So Jake’s brother has died and the paraplegic, a former military man, has a brother, whom we never meet, who has died and the only person that can take the place in his Avatar must also share the same genome and BAM, there is the plot line.

As with most of James Cameron’s movies, it is visually stunning and will redefine the way we watch movies and movies are made. Lets go through his track record: the visually redefining Terminator, which even 25 years later still has great visual affects, First Blood: Part II, which was awesome, to the classic remake of Aliens where he first fell in love with Sigourney Weaver, to the unbelievable tidal wave in the Abyss, he failed at True Lies but Tom Arnold was great as a sidekick, to Terminator 2 which again redefined the genre, to Titantic and the visually stunning sinking of an “unsinkable” ship with frozen babies and such. He makes great movies, with absolutely the most visually stunning graphics to grace a theatre screen. So after a 12 year absence he has returned with another genre redefining movie, a modern day western. (Oh and by the way, he produced Point Blank, yes, that Point Blank, how do you feel now, your nodding your head aren’t you? Yes you are, that’s right, that just happened)

The Avatar’s are Indians, they talk like Indians, they wear clothes and paint themselves like Indians, they even have the whole spiritual speaking trees and love of nature, don’t kill to kill thing going for them. Their language is, well, probably an Indian dialect. The white man comes and wants to take their sacred land, they refuse to leave, battle ensues (there is even a trail of tears!) bla bla bla. This movie has been made a thousand times, only Cameron was smart to change them into creepy 9 foot tall blue creatures. The fact that he makes the Avatar’s look similar to their human counterparts is impressive, Sigourney Weaver’s character looks spot on, only with a bigger nose, and well… extremities as does Sam Worthington. The fact that this entire movie was basically green screen really makes the actors have to become the character and feel as if they are seeing what they are not, which probably made it that much more impressive for me. The way the characters interacted with the environment, the horses with 6 feet, and the crazy dinosaur creatures was well received, made you laugh a little, and generally made you feel like this could be an actual place A. and 2 that we could someday actual do this. I could see the American government kicking someone out of their home land for a material that is a cash cow cause… we have done it before, and we would do it again if we found it (oil everybody, oil). Basically, solid plot line, if not overdone once you get the grasp that you have seen this story before. Visually stunning.

CHARACTERS:

Jake Sully (Sam Worthington)- I like him a lot, I think he is tightcasted right now, but he has a good on screen presence and really played his part well, you almost believed he was a paraplegic in real life, im not sure how he made his legs do what he made them do, did he let them completely atrophy?

Colonel Miles Quaritch (Stephen Lang) – I know he is a bad guy, but dadgummit I freaking loved his character, feisty army vet who has become a mercenary, just a freaking great part for him, has the perfect voice for what he does, and he is a general bad ass

Norm Spellman (Joel Moore)- (Grandma’s Boy, Dodgeball)is it weird that in every movie he looks and acts like an awkward teenager who just sprouted 2 feet the night before and doesn’t understand how to control his limbs? Something about him is endearing though

Dr. Max Patel (Dileep Rao)- feel like it was an a typical, dialed in performance… lets blame it on his lines

Dr. Grace Augustine (Sigourney Weaver)- how can you not love her, she was in freaking GHOST BUSTERS, she is like every geek nerd boys fantasy, she does a great job though

Parker Selfridge (Giovanni Ribisi)- (Gone in 60 seconds) typical douche bag corporate executive only out for the bottom line, plays the part to a T, you keep thinking that he is going to change and that he has feeling so he draws you in

Trudy Chacon (Michelle Rodriguez)- love her from lost, she plays a great part, made me forget about how bad she was in SWAT

Neytiri (Zoe Saldana)- for those of you who don’t know, she was Anamaria in Pirates of the Caribean, where she was AWESOME, perfect voice for the part, played it well, pretty girl made ugly by makeup ala Charlize Theron in Monster. Also super hot in Star Trek, she is coming on and will be a major movie star and a recognizable name for years to come, she made the Avatar creature her own and made it seem like that was really her.

Tsu'Tey (Laz Alonso)- from Stomp the yard fame, actually played a believable character

Eytukan (Wes Studi) – (Streetfighter, The Last of the Mohicans, Dances with Wolves) an actual Indian (spoke only Cherokee until grade school), very believable well done as the parent of Neytiri

Mo'at (CCH Pounder)- mom of Neytire, equally good part, very believable, even though I hated her in Warehouse 13

CONCLUSION:

On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being just an abysmal movie that no one should have to sit through (Pathfinder), and 10 being “oh my god, this movie just made me realize who I am as a person” (The Dark Knight, and yes I am Batman)

You should definitely go see it, go without preconceived notions or walking into thinking your not going to like it (HELLO, your paying $10). Go in with an open mind and an open heart and you will be pleasantly rewarded.

One more scale, on the “will you have to take a bathroom break during the movie cause its that long scale” 1 being your “good to go: (typical 1 ½ hour movie), to 10, the unbearable “when is this movie going to end I am about to pee my god damn pants” (think Lord of the Rings). I would recommend peeing before you go into the movie, and not buying a delicious Coca Cola at the refreshment stand before you go in.

Random thought of the day

2009-12-22T03:26:00.001-06:00

I’m not sure what I am going to truly use this medium for as of this time, but right now I am going to use it to publicize my random thoughts and do movie reviews, TV show reviews and the like.

First thing on my mind before we get to the movie, the song “Baby it’s cold outside”, go look up the lyrics, it is…. Intense, the guy is coming on hard, and the girl is not into it and the guy is forcing himself on her, he even says “don’t hold out on me”, they cover this awkward melody by continually reminding that it is in fact cold outside and the pleasant melody. This song has been sung by everyone under the moon, made famous recently by the movie elf, Jovie and Buddy’s rendition is a nice turning point in the movie and Zooey Deschanel has a great voice. I personally think Norah Jones is the best female vocalist to have sung it, I cant find a man that I really like, I don’t like Tom Jones or Willie Nelson the way they sing it, Lady Antebellum just did a rendition of it on the today show and I will simply say that is was ruined by country. If anyone knows of a good male singer who has sung the sung pass it along.